My Days in Bangalore!! De Ja Vu!!

The time had come for me to leave the city that had given me some of the best days of my life, Bangalore. Where am I going? I asked myself way back in April 2006! Same place where I came from, the big bad yet annoyingly perfect city, Hyderabad. A city which is known to be famous for biryanis, the way of speaking say it Hyderabadii..! I had been going back to that city after spending three wonderful years in Bangalore.(now Bengaluru)!

My relocation from Hyderabad to Bangalore was a signpost moment in my life, and each day that I spent here were milestone sort. Life was at an all time high ever since I stepped in Bangalore, suddenly a door of fun, fame and friends had opened and I was overwhelmed with all that came my way. My being a part of the events & Fests that followed that year, the young and fun techies of Bangalore, the free and footloose lifestyle, the travel, the adventure, romance I did it all.

But it all seemed to have come to an end from the start of 2007. In just 3 years too much changed. Suddenly all the fun activity had lost its charm, people have moved on to different cities or have found some other pre occupation. If at the start of 2007 it was one of the most exciting thing to go out for a bloggers meet in the city, in just 2 years bloggers meet have become passé and they have moved on to tweetups.

The thing about Bangalore life is that it’s very volatile. The crowd here is a floating crowd, young techies freshly out of college come to Bangalore after campus selections, they give this city and their companies 2-3 years and move on for better opportunities. For 2 years they live to the fullest. These 3 years become their days of living life on the edge. Which is why you see so much of energy in this city.

But if you stick around for too long you’d notice, under the bubbling and bursting surface lies hidden a slow, lethargic mundane life. It may take you couple of years but it eventually hits you with a feeling of Deja Vu, like you have seen and felt it all before. Those smoky pubs, those unshaven rock stars, they would all seem a bit too familiar if you have taken too many rounds of the city.

This feeling of having served my days here began to seep in my mind since the start of this year. I started feeling I have lost my purpose in Bangalore. I wanted more from my life.

And then I was posed with the question, do I want to my feet in Bangalore to be rooted further and deeper? Do I want to invest more here to have a bigger life? The answer was No. Because I was done with the fun in Bangalore, the city had nothing more to offer to me. So I decided to move, but not before I could find the right job.!

Bangalore has given me the most valuable things in life, it helped me to to think foward, A wonderful graduation, hostel life, amazing friends, and over all kick start my carrer with the bangalore IT giant Wipro. It had been a wonderful journey in the city of bangalore and I cherish those moments and would love to be a part of the city in the days to come!!! Miss Ya Bengaluru!!!

Vinnaithaandi Varuvaaya - Out of words!!!!

"Vinnaithaandi Varuvaya" (English meaning - Will you cross the skies for me ?!) - one of the movies I was really looking forward to.. Reading the review, I came to know that it's a beautiful movie given that you have all the time on earth..

On seeing the movie, I almost fell in love with it.. If you are in for some tickling laughter, or some flesh exposure, I would strongly advice you not to watch it.. But rather,if you wanna experience the reality, or your one kinda person who thinks smaller things bring soo much happiness to life, I am sure you would love the movie  the way I did.. This movie is all about class and elegance- a reality happening in many households in India..

The storyline is simple - a Hindu Tamil guy and a Christian Malayalee girl, in love with each other.. Do they get a chance to hold their hands together?.. Regular storyline isn't it ?!.. Ofcourse yes, but the difference lies in the way it's expressed...

I don't really get this whole attitude (not only this, but many) prevailing in India.. When people talk about globalisation, world being a global village - why is it still that an inter-caste marriage is not supported in here ?!.. Finally, we end up in this usual blame game and the readymade solutions - our "customs" are different....What really are these "customs" ?!  If you start doing things in a new way, for a long time, it becomes a custom.. Only that, we have hiccups to start doing things in a new way..

One major reason for this hiccup being - "naalu paerru naalu vidhama paessuvanga" .. For all the non-tamil folks, the meaning of the above sentence is this "Society will speak different things about you".. And usually, people who represent that "society" are : someone who might have seen you while you were boarding a train, someone who might have wished you "All the best" when you wrote your 1 std. exam, someone who visits your house once in two years, or in the worst-case it might be someone whom you knew all through your life.. Why is it we give importance to the views of these people whom you meet once in a lifetime, just for living your own life the way you want it to be.. Shocked, still !!!!!!

In short - Vinnaithaandi varuvaya - slow, but lovely storyline, elegant music, attractive Trisha, smart Simbu, blatant truth !!!....  Have some patience, notice the smaller things, it would make you fall in love...

The dialogue I liked in the movie :- "Don't search for love, it would come to you one day.. Will make you go in a roller coaster, thats love - true love"..

P.S :- I dunno to whom the following line is addressed to.. So let me address it to the girl I once was in love with!!... and with whom I wanted to spend the best days of my life with !!!

Last but not the least I appreciate Gautham Menon on making such a wonderful epic which makes one feel that he/she is a part of the movie!!!!

What if I had never let you go!!

Now that I'm no longer with you,
Now that you have left for good,
How things would have been, I want to know,
What if I had never let you go?

The lonely walks that I take,
The gloomy sunsets I see,
Would they have been the same
Had I been with thee?

The smell of fading flowers,
Solitary scenery and that nature's show,
Do you think would have been so dull
If I had never let you go?

Do you think the smile of that little girl
Would have made me feel so low,
I'm not able to understand,
And these things I want to know.

Morning dew, high mountains,
Give me the feeling of being so lonely,
In spite of being so far,
I feel you are the one and only.

It was you who gave me strength when I was low,
And it was you who reigned supreme,
That's because you were the answer,
To all the prayers I plead and all my dreams.

Lonely walks, gloomy sunsets, smelly flowers;
Morning dew, little girl's smile, and gentle showers,
Would have still brought a smile I know,
If only I had never let you go.

           Dedicated to a long lost love!!!

Life lessons from my father

Words cannot express the role parents play in the life of their children and the myriad ways they influence their lives.

I was fortunate to have been born to a middle-class couple who brought me up with love and affection, and nurtured me to take on the world. I cannot ever recall them being strict with me, and yet in their unique way, they led by the example of their lives. The life lessons I learnt from them are, as they say, things they don’t teach you at Harvard.

Talking about mothers comes naturally to us but fathers also need their day under the sun. My father was a graduate and held a white-collar job. His greatest quality was his humility. He always held himself responsible for his failures without giving excuses. He was a master of plain speak and he spoke only what he truly meant.

I remember him always telling me that you need to make it big in life and do things which he couldnt. Not once did he attribute it to office politics or careless uneducated parents with many children to look after or incompetent teachers or luck and destiny. He was very fond of citing examples of his classmates who made it big in their lives in spite of similar or harsher family circumstances, by virtue of their own hard work. This attitude had an indirect effect on me; I have always valued intellectual integrity at the cost of approbation, and prefer self-effacement to an overbearing nature, not necessarily strong points in many situations.

Another good quality I have always appreciated in him is that he never felt it below his dignity to shower deserving praise on anybody, even to his own detriment. He admired the brilliance of the young and old alike in his department with no ego whatsoever, and predicted a bright future for them. This had an indirect bearing on my behaviour with my juniors. If they make a mistake, I ask myself whether I had committed similar mistakes in my younger days and my conscience invariably replies in the affirmative which helps keep the situation pleasant for both of us.

Another of his habits that I have imbibed to my advantage is reading newspapers and books not only for news but also for their editorials. It had the effect on me of minding my Ps and Qs both in language and in character to the best of my ability.

His belief in God and religion was simple. Visiting places of worship and practicing rituals were not compulsory for him and the same holds true for me.

Last but not the least, even his regret that he could not give us the best in lyf always made me motivated and feel that though I could'nt make it to a Harvard or a IIM, this day I am as good as one of them.

                   I hope to carry that fight forward in far, far better circumstances.

The unsaid Love!

There are so many words I cannot say,when I look into your eyes.I want to be able to tell you one day,but I'm left speechless every time that I try.
You must have stumbled across the key,and discovered so much more.You found a hidden place in me,you found my heart and opened the door.And I cried in pain of losing my dear friend.

Will it ever be the same again?If it passes will it be the end?I realized it was worth so much,as I lie in bed that night.So I allowed my soul to be touched,without even putting up a fight.Are my eyes deceiving me,when I see you standing there?Are you playing games,just to prove I care?

You speak my name in a prelude,in a reference to love,with such loving attitude,as if it were a message from above.With the palms of your handspressed firmly against mine,a white doves lands,and the sun begins to shine.

Someday I will see,though that day has not come yet.You'll say you love me,but will you ever forget?If that happens and my spirit dies,if my emotions drop,will you want to hold me when I cry?Or will the love just suddenly stop?We can't expect to fall in love and never cry.

You'll stay and play your part,but after the beauty starts to die,will your footprints still be on my heart?Though it would be hard to say goodbye,your friend I'll always be,as long as we always try,to keep the friendship between you and me.
The letter I will not send will casually inquire,how could you have brought it to an end?I was your one desire.After this life is over,you'll be one person I know I'll miss.

It'll be too late to start over, and so I leave you with this...I'll hold you for a lifetime,if you'll just hold my hand.We could have a wonderful time,in the days we have not yet planned :)

When Change knocks @ ur door!

A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.You stop trying to control people, situations a
nd outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can :)

Middle Class Me!!

I don’t seem to understand this culture (for the lack of a better word, thanks to my miniscule vocabulary) that is gripping most of the people I see.
People visit spas, beauty salons every weekend, wear all kinds of outlandish clothes to malls, movies and the like. I don’t seem to get why people send thousands on a massage using exotic oils when I can get the same done for ten bucks at my local barber shop using nothing less than Navratna thanda tel. Why attend dance classes when youre over 30? And bang comes the answer…”uff! You’re so middle class!!”
A few years ago, when I first visited Bangalore, my friends and I went to this (then) swanky mall called the Forum. I was then wearing some cheap local tailor made half sleeve shirt and trousers. Wearing footwear of some cheap brand of which I cant even recall the name, I stood in awe of the crowd over there. Girls and guys wearing the best brands, flaunting oversized glares and swiss made watches. I used to think, my time will come. Soon, I will have a job, get decent money and will be able to wear the best brands, flaunt my glares and my watches and my shoes et al.
Today, Im earning decent cash for people my age. I am wearing nothing less than Reeboks for footwear, fastrack glares and branded Tshirts and denims. But inspite of all this, whenever I visit that mall, hoping to make some mark, I stand dumbfounded right at the entrance. People still wear better clothes, have still got the whackiest hairdos which other people take notice of, the hottest girls going around with good looking guys and I as is usual, stand alone. Even my batchmates, those I could crush (intellectually) way back in school or in college are going around flaunting the latest in fashion. These people are my age, earn more or less the same amount that I do, if not less. Then where is the difference? Why am I supposed to look like this stupid ‘gaonwaala’ in front of these ‘mod’ guys?
I cant seem to put the blame on either my college or my school background or my hometown as the same people I used to hang out with have moved way up on this ‘social’ ladder. Who am I supposed to blame then? Why should we bear the brunt of having to look so ‘out of fashion’? why should we be looked down upon as idiots who don’t seem to understand this culture? Why should I be treated as an outsider in my own hometown? When will I be able to join their league? Wouldn’t I be too old to do this stuff?
These are questions which remain unanswered. I have tried expressing this irony to those who are close to me and they either don’t seem to care or are in the ‘elite’ league already.
I still try and retain my hope but it isn’t going to stick around for more time……..

The pleasure in pain!!

Isn’t it ironic. The title I mean.
 
But looking back at my history, it seems that pain is always what ive found pleasure in. its like pain is an aphrodisiac, a stimulant and a well earned smoke at the end of a long and hard day.

All of us have come across people who although (our perception) are in a decent position in life, always look pensive, serious and ready to explode. We sometimes out of sympathy try and talk to them so that they feel better but for some strange reason, it never seems to help.

I heard it from someone that some humans had this ability to bring physical illness upon themselves just by thinking that they were ill. Psychosoma I think it was called.

If, we delve deeper into our own psyche, somewhere, hidden in a dark corner is a masochist hiding. He/ she is waiting to pounce on us at the slightest chance. It may be the sudden remembrance of an old lost friend, an old love, a longing for known faces or any of the innumerable reasons that can trigger pain in a human.

Some of us get drunk, others listen to songs which talk about suffering and a few others do things which to put it mildly, are plain unlawful. just to get away from that feeling. But these things have an inevitable impact of aggravating that very same feeling that we wanted to get rid of in the first place.

The best part is that we know that none of the solutions would work, and yet we always opt for them. Its like a wound which we give ourselves and start crying the moment blood starts spilling out.

In the movie ‘The Matrix: Reloaded’, when the character Neo meets the architect, the architect explains to him how humans always consider pain and misery a part of their lives. He explained how his first  program which was designed to make people believe that they were happy always ended up becoming a disaster, just because people were not ready to accept a life that didn’t make them unhappy once in a while.

And yet, in spite all of these, those of us who pray always ask god to remove the misfortune that has been wrought upon them.  Those of us who don’t,  always remain cautious not to utter a wrong word here and make a wrong move there, lest their life become full of hardships.

 Its time now, for us to think that whether we really need to eliminate pain from our life? Do we really need to feel happy all the time? Isn’t it good that we become sad once in a while, just so that we can get over it and move forward. Is it really worth going that extra mile just to be on the ‘safer side’?

PS: it ain’t about how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward- Rocky Balboa
PPS: things might seem a bit unclear for the uninitiated. For those who know me well, excuse my lack of clarification. But I’m sure you’ve got the point. Haven’t you?